Don’t want nudes leaked? Don’t take nudes. Don’t want to be robbed? Stop owning things. Wanna avoid being killed? Buddy, quit living already!
Rene Jules Lalique, Collaret, Gold, enamel, diamonds, ca. 1900
jordan: do you wanna see this pretty girl?
me: yes.. aw she is pretty!
jordan: wanna see her butthole
- girl: come over
- guy: im gay
- girl: my parents arent home
- guy: im literally gay
ive been meaning to make work-related comics forever, so enjoy some choice movie title bastardizations.
(these all actually, seriously, happened, with no humor or awareness on the part of the customer at the time as far as I could tell. so, yes, someone actually asked for a ticket to “Detergent” with a straight face.)
cute girl on the street: hey do you have the time?
me: sure do! 8:15
cute girl on the street: thanks
me: so what are we?
got no problem with watching a full season of tv in one sitting but when it comes time to pick a movie im like “am i really ready to pay attention to something for two hours”